United States — Ekhbary News Agency
When faced with an individual raising their voice, common instinct dictates responses like "calm down" or a quick apology. However, psychologists and conflict-resolution experts assert these reactions frequently exacerbate the situation rather than diffusing it. Dr. Lokesh Shahani, an associate professor at UTHealth Houston, explains that telling an angry person to calm down often feels like criticism, rarely achieving its intended effect. Similarly, a reflexive apology can inadvertently signal that intimidation yields results, potentially reinforcing aggressive behavior.
Prioritizing Safety and Understanding
The primary objective, according to experts, is not to suppress the other person's anger but to re-establish conditions for a genuine conversation. This involves a dual approach: firmly protecting personal boundaries—because no one should endure verbal abuse—while simultaneously ensuring the other person feels truly heard. Moshe Cohen, a Boston-based conflict-resolution expert, emphasizes that if physical or emotional safety is compromised, ending the interaction and disengaging becomes the absolute priority. Finding the 'perfect words' is secondary to ensuring one's well-being in threatening situations.
Read Also
- Global Oil Market Faces Intensifying Supply Crunch Amid Russian, Iranian Pressures
- Financial Adviser's Basic Knowledge Gap Raises Client Professionalism Concerns
- IRS Tax Liens Surge 36% Since 2022, Threatening US Taxpayers
- US States Intensify Competition for Skilled Workforce Amid Economic Shifts
- Senator Rounds Praises Fed Chair Warsh's Inflation Focus, Independence Stance
The Power of Empathetic Inquiry
Another common, yet often counterproductive, response is to interrupt and defend oneself. Dr. Shahani notes that angry individuals are not thinking clearly and cannot process defensive arguments effectively. To restore productive dialogue, he advocates for a simple yet powerful phrase: "Help me understand what happened from your perspective." This statement promises attention and a willingness to listen, signaling a genuine desire to comprehend their viewpoint without necessarily agreeing. Cohen's three decades mediating disputes confirm that people often yell from deeper places of frustration or disappointment, not just the immediate trigger. Asking open-ended questions and listening without immediate rebuttal are crucial steps, as it turns out, nothing de-escalates anger quite as effectively as validation and active listening.
